New Zealand Baby Names

The babies are two days old and we don’t know what to call them. In the NICU they like to put a poster up in each baby’s incubator that reads, “Hi my name…” so that all the different doctors and nurses who work there can relate to the babies as people. Our babies are still “triplet 1” and “triplet 2”.

I draw up a shortlist.

“I still like Walter and Albert,” says Rich. “No way, I say. “I am not having children called Wally and Bert.” “Why not?” says Rich looking genuinely disappointed. “It’s too comedy. We might as well just call them Stan and Ollie, Eric and Ernie.” “That’s a good idea.”

“No. I like Lorcan and Aidan for the boys. Or Thady.” “I’m not having all my children with Paddy names,” says Rich hotly. “Oi.” “I’m not being funny, but I’m not Irish.  Saoirse was bad enough.”

“OK. Well what then? Is the girl going to be Maeve?” “I don’t know she doesn’t look like a Maeve.” “I know. She’s more of an Orla.” “Yes Orla suits her.” “Lets call her that then,” I say, excited to have agreed on at least one of them. Naming a child is hard. So much of who you are and how you are perceived in the world depends on your moniker. Orla means golden in Gaelic, and since the slight jaundice is giving her a sort of all-over St Tropez tan, it seems to fit.

“Well my next favourite boy’s name is Frank,” says Rich. “As in Francis?”. “Yes.” “OK, one of them can be Francis, known as Frank. That’s nice. That will be triplet 2.”  “And since you chose Saoirse and Orla, I should choose the boys. I like Reuben.” “No, sometimes as much as I have Jew envy, we are Catholic and Reuben is just too old Testament.” “All right, what then?” Rich hates this naming game. He has refused to to talk about it until now, but we must make a decision soon.

“I still like Thady,” I say. It’s the abbreviated form of the name Thaddeus, pronounced with a hard t as in Thomas.” I first heard it in Ireland years ago, but I don’t tell Rich that. I’m going to sneak another paddy name under the wire.  “Thady… Thady,” says Rich trying it out. “Thady Bear… won’t he just get called Thady Bear?” “What’s wrong with that ? I like it.”

“OK. Thady, Frank and Orla”, says Rich finally.